There was a night Joe was very late in coming back from farming. When taking his usual route home there was a nice little old lady standing outside one of the houses waiting for him. When he approached her she said, "Oh brother! It has been forever since I have seen you. What have you been doing this whole time? Do you have a family? How do you earn your keep? Please come in tell me everything!"
So Joe went inside remembering that his mother told him once that he had a sister, but she was taken from the family when she was very young. Joe told the old lady everything, and mostly how hard it is to feed his large family every night.
It just so happened this woman is a very rich woman. She told Joe to go home and get his family, and they were going to come live with her. She was going to take care of them all. Joe was thrilled to have finally run into his sister, and that she was so generous. Joe ran home as fast as he could. He was so excited to tell his wife and kids the news.
After he told his wife she seemed skeptical about the whole thing. “No one randomly shows up with such a generous gift” is what went through her mind. Instead of going with her gut feeling, she trusted her husband, and if he believed it was the right thing to do then that is what the family was going to do. Who wouldn’t want free food?
All together the family went to where Joe had met his sister. They all followed her to their new home excited for all the food they were going to enjoy. Once they arrived she gave them all the things they needed to live a nice and happy life. They had never seen so much food before. It was definitely showing. They finally had some meat on their bones.
One day after being settled in for a good amount of time, Joe’s wife told him they needed to make something for his sister since she had been so generous to them. He agreed, "It is always nice to give back to the ones who have given to us".
Once Joe’s wife made up the gift she instructed one of her daughters to go take the gift to their aunt. The young girl did not want to go alone, so she asked one of her older sisters to go with her. Walking up to the door the girls heard their aunt talking to someone, "Once we get them all trained up, they are going to make me one rich lady. We can sell them for good profit."
The girls could not believe what they had heard. They ran back to their mother has fast as they could. Noticing something was wrong the girl’s mother urged them to spit it out, “what had happened?” The girls told her everything, but she was not surprised to hear such a thing. It still kind of came as a shock to her since she did not want to be right.
When Joe came home that night his wife warned him of what the girls heard, and that they needed to get out of there as fast as possible without being seen. Joe was so mad at his wife for coming up with such a thing after all the nice things his sister had done for them. He told her there was no way his sister would do such a thing.”
When everyone had gone to bed, Joe’s wife got up and woke all seven girls. They headed off in the dark night back to their old home. Joe awakened the next morning to find the home empty. They had all left. The first thing he thought to do was tell his sister so he ran over to her house.
"Last night when I got home my wife had told me that you were planning on selling us to the highest bidder once we had been trained. That we needed to flee as soon as possible, but I did not listen to her! Because there was no way my sister could do such a thing." said Joe.
Joe’s sister did not have much to say to him about his missing family, nor did she respond to the comments about her selling them to the highest bidder. Then that night Joe noticed a large group of men coming near his sister’s house. He went to see what all the commotion was.
Once he arrived at his sister’s house he heard, "Which of these fine gentlemen would like to start the bidding?" Joe could not believe what he was hearing. His wife was right. His sister was going to sell the family.
If Joe would of listened to his wife, he would be long gone. Instead he is going to be sold off to the highest bidder.
I based my story off of the story The Wolf-Aunt in the Persian Tales unit. In the original story there is a poor thorn bush gatherer with a wife and seven daughters. The man one day ran into a random lady who claimed to be his sister. She had plenty of food to feed his whole family. The man and his family went to live with his sister, and she fed and took care of them. One day one of the daughters saw her aunt was actually a wolf. Realizing she turned into a human just to talk to them. They told their mother of what happened, and when their mother told their father what happened and said they should leave he did not believe her. So in the middle of the night his wife and daughters left. He told his sister what had happened, and that night she came to find him and eat him because she was actually a wolf. I wrote my story similar to the original but changed a few things. I gave the man a name, which was Joe and I did not want his "sister" to be a wolf. So she was just a regular human. Instead of having someone die or be eaten I just made it where he was sold off to the highest bidder. The reason I chose to use this story is because I believe there are a lot of men out there who do not listen to their significant others. This story shows the lesson to be learned.
So Joe went inside remembering that his mother told him once that he had a sister, but she was taken from the family when she was very young. Joe told the old lady everything, and mostly how hard it is to feed his large family every night.
It just so happened this woman is a very rich woman. She told Joe to go home and get his family, and they were going to come live with her. She was going to take care of them all. Joe was thrilled to have finally run into his sister, and that she was so generous. Joe ran home as fast as he could. He was so excited to tell his wife and kids the news.
After he told his wife she seemed skeptical about the whole thing. “No one randomly shows up with such a generous gift” is what went through her mind. Instead of going with her gut feeling, she trusted her husband, and if he believed it was the right thing to do then that is what the family was going to do. Who wouldn’t want free food?
All together the family went to where Joe had met his sister. They all followed her to their new home excited for all the food they were going to enjoy. Once they arrived she gave them all the things they needed to live a nice and happy life. They had never seen so much food before. It was definitely showing. They finally had some meat on their bones.
One day after being settled in for a good amount of time, Joe’s wife told him they needed to make something for his sister since she had been so generous to them. He agreed, "It is always nice to give back to the ones who have given to us".
Once Joe’s wife made up the gift she instructed one of her daughters to go take the gift to their aunt. The young girl did not want to go alone, so she asked one of her older sisters to go with her. Walking up to the door the girls heard their aunt talking to someone, "Once we get them all trained up, they are going to make me one rich lady. We can sell them for good profit."
The girls could not believe what they had heard. They ran back to their mother has fast as they could. Noticing something was wrong the girl’s mother urged them to spit it out, “what had happened?” The girls told her everything, but she was not surprised to hear such a thing. It still kind of came as a shock to her since she did not want to be right.
When Joe came home that night his wife warned him of what the girls heard, and that they needed to get out of there as fast as possible without being seen. Joe was so mad at his wife for coming up with such a thing after all the nice things his sister had done for them. He told her there was no way his sister would do such a thing.”
When everyone had gone to bed, Joe’s wife got up and woke all seven girls. They headed off in the dark night back to their old home. Joe awakened the next morning to find the home empty. They had all left. The first thing he thought to do was tell his sister so he ran over to her house.
"Last night when I got home my wife had told me that you were planning on selling us to the highest bidder once we had been trained. That we needed to flee as soon as possible, but I did not listen to her! Because there was no way my sister could do such a thing." said Joe.
Joe’s sister did not have much to say to him about his missing family, nor did she respond to the comments about her selling them to the highest bidder. Then that night Joe noticed a large group of men coming near his sister’s house. He went to see what all the commotion was.
Once he arrived at his sister’s house he heard, "Which of these fine gentlemen would like to start the bidding?" Joe could not believe what he was hearing. His wife was right. His sister was going to sell the family.
If Joe would of listened to his wife, he would be long gone. Instead he is going to be sold off to the highest bidder.
Old Farmer
Source:123RF
Author's Note:
Bibliography:
"The Wolf-Aunt" translated by D.L.R Lorimer and E.O. Lorimer, from Persian Fairy Tales Unit, Website:UnTextbook
Hey Baylee,
ReplyDeleteI read this story and while I was reading I saw the relationship to the original tale almost immediately! I really like how you replaced the wolf with a woman who sells people as laborers. I feel like you made this story take on a more realistic perspective, because I know this could have happened at anytime back in history.
This was really good! It read just a normal fable would - similar sentence structure, the flow of the narrative, and the word choice. The ambiguity of Joe's exact circumstances (other than that he's a married tenant farmer with a lot of kids) was intriguing in that it allowed the reader to fill in the gaps as they wanted. I agree with you, too, on the count that stubborn men would be better off if they listened to their significant others.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very entertaining story! I love the changes you made to the story and the characters. In your author’s note, you mentioned the importance of husbands listening to their wife and I think that is very important, too because a lot of times the intuition is more important than anything and could save lives. I like that the aunt is not a wolf in your story because I think it makes the message stronger and implying that this could actually happen in real life. Great job in your writings!
ReplyDeleteYour title caught my attention first and made me intrigued in the story. I like the approach you took using the same characters, but making slight alterations to the plot. I think by using the sister as a human it made the story more realistic to times when slavery existed. You should always trust your wife and listen to your mother.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. I was caught in the flow of the story form the beginning. I felt like I was reading a professionally written short story. The story seemed to flow well and the paragraph spacing made the story read better and made it not seem as long. You had quite a few typos in your story. You didn't have nay apostrophes in any of the "Joe's wife." There also were a few other spelling typos. Other than that I couldn't find anything else wrong with the story. The author's note also helped with the understanding of the story and to show what exactly you changed in the stories and why you changed what you did. Overall the post is well done and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteThe title of your story made me laugh. I agree that people do not always listen to their significant others as much as they should. I really like the changes that you made. Making the main character a farmers slave then the chance of the family being sold was a very compelling. It was very said at the end when his family was gone, but it was extremely said that the man did not listen to his wife. It a lesson to be learned that you should believe in your loved ones, especially if they are warning you of great danger. You did a great job with this story. keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteOkay so really intense story and good work on writing it! I am just going to point out a few things that caught my eye that hopefully will be helpful.
ReplyDeleteSo, the woman shows up and says she's the man's sister right? I wondered why joe didn't ask more questions about who she was and what she was doing. I think if you add that, it will be more believable that he and his family find it easier to move in with her.
Secondly, are they being sold as slaves? Or why Joe's family in general? I guess we just need to know what makes Joe's family so special for this situation. If they are a big family with a big positive reputation, I wonder what people think when they hear about them moving in with the aunt.
I liked the story! It was so intense! Keep up the good work! You have so much to work with.
Hey there Baylee!
ReplyDeleteI liked your story! It was very interesting to read. It was nice how the story started and I was wondering how the title would come into play. I think you did a good job of changing up the original story to add your own personal touch to it. I never would have expected the sister to try and sell Joe and his family off. The title of the story goes well with the plot!
A few things: in the first paragraph in the sentence that starts with “Joe worked very hard..” I think there should be something separating “a big family back home,” and “a wife and 7 daughters” since it kind of seems like a run-on sentence. Also, I’m not completely sure on this, but the very first sentence of the second paragraph seems a bit awkward. Maybe it could help if comma after “farming” was a period or semicolon?
Other than that, great job!
Hey Baylee,
ReplyDeleteI like what you have done with this story. I think that giving joe a name was a good call and made him more a person in my eyes. I also like that the "sister" was not a wolf because i thought that was kind of strange in the original story. I really like the personal touches you have added keep up the good work
Hey!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your spin on the original and the emphasis you placed on listening to your partner. You picked them for a reason, right? Listen! It also makes sense in your tale for the 'aunt' to have all that money and food to feed such a large number of people...if she is selling people! Still, even though he didn't listen (maybe he just wanted to believe that people are basically good?), we still feel for Joe in the end. Poor dude has it rough through the entire tale, and it's probably not going to get better for him.
One thing I noticed is sometimes the tenses switch. Most of the time, the tale is in past tense, but every once in awhile present tense sneaks in. Just something to keep an eye out for in the future. Other than that, I didn't really see any problems. Great job!